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Description:
"The invading Martian armies were ready. Their leaders thought they would win without trying. That is until their advance robotic scouts met Mom."
This story is interesting, because it's like an Asimov short story with its theme where aliens meet humans and ironic things happen, but it's young adult level reading. Actually it's more like a story by moms for moms. The Jiff of short stories, if you will.
So the Martians design some tall male robots, because of the way humans favor those attributes, and send them to Earf. But when the robots get there, the reader quickly realizes the Martians designed them--get this--based on CHILDREN! HAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa.........!
So the Martians design some tall male robots, because of the way humans favor those attributes, and send them to Earf. But when the robots get there, the reader quickly realizes the Martians designed them--get this--based on CHILDREN! HAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa.........!
I actually won't spoil this one because it's not a terrible short story, but let's just say Mom takes care of business with her no-nonsense housewifery! Oh no you didn't try to mess with MOM! Take that, Martians!
Of course, the boys are more of a handful than the aliens!
GUFFAW!
Ratings:
Whitebreadery: 5 out of 5. This story is sooooo white and suburban. She lines up the kids' backpacks in the morning, making sure their homework is neatly placed inside, after school she makes snacks for them and does laundry as she watches them to make sure they are okay, etc. Everything is in order and there is not a hint of poverty or trouble as the kids play outside and walk themselves to school. The most of this housewife's worries are her kids making fart jokes, and when she is pushed to the limit by the robot kids taking apart electronics, her "wrath" is manifest like, "I told you to please not do that." Woah, calm down lady! You might damage those kids with your overbearing middle-class liberal mothering! And of course the Martians can't handle this level of stern politeness, which actually makes the story really entertaining.
Errors Ruining My Time: 3 out of 5. The formatting was off and there were some punctuation errors. It's not a huge deal, but this story was published in a magazine before it went to Amazon. You would think it would be edited. Wtf, man?
Predictable Ending: 0 out of 5. Yeah actually you know the end of the story by the freaking title and description, right? Except somehow the mechanics of it slipped by me, and I think logistically it really worked out. Looking back, it's all set up and I had a suspicion, but it all blended well enough that it didn't matter. Don't know what the fuck I'm talking about? Yeah, I'm still trying not to spoil the ending, because... Well this is the first and last time I will ever say this, but this story is short and well packed enough that, although it is kind of lame, childish, naive (what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah, WHITE) I still recommend you read it. There. That probably scares the shit out of you, right? It's just a fun little story, and I liked it.
Overall: 3 out of 5. I recommend you read it because it is basically a well-written story and I was entertained the whole time. However, it's nothing amazing. I like scifi, and I like irony, but it is certainly not the most ironic or surprising. Plus, it's just too fucking innocent. It really fucks up my funny when stories are good AND clean as a virgin's...resume, so I have to fucking add in a million fucks in an attempt to substitute fucks for humor, fuck. Or I could torture a simile for some laughs, like that time I accidentally went into the girl's locker room and instead of turning around and walking out I bolted for the janitor's closet and they obviously saw me so when they opened the door I grabbed a nearby hammer and smashed it into my dick.
It worked. They couldn't stop laughing all three years of junior high.
If you are interested in other stories of genital mutilation, go to amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall
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