(Link)
Description:
"What happens when a gas station is a little too convenient? It's one-stop shopping gone wrong in this humorous short."
Wait, humorous!? I totally missed the point. You know when someone is all like, "I had the WERST day today omigah!" and you're like, "Fuck. Quick, brain, think of an excuse to get out of here!" Yeah this story was like that, except fictional. So, totally fucking pointless. Maybe if I had read the description before I would have found it funny or something, like when a laugh track tells you when to laugh, but probably not. Actually no, just not.
Like I said, I thought it was gonna be good. The story has all these stars on Amazon and the descriptions really stuck in my head. Like when the gas station attendant lifts her arm and he sees a ball of deodorant clinging to the hairs there, it definitely added some flavor. This author is not bad at writing, by any means.
So why the hell is that talent wasted on this plot!? Usually I summarize the story, but all I got is a guy goes to a gas station and has to wait a long time, then he forgets to fill up his car, he leaves his coffee on the hood as he drives away trying to avoid the creepy attendant, the elevator breaks at work, and when his car runs out of gas that night he has to walk home. I feel like this author was like, "I should write something like Seinfeld. Yes, I'll be famous!" and then immediately missed the point.
So it's humor, and a series of bad things happens. Then I guess it's supposed to be like The Three Stooges? I think that sort of falls through for a couple reasons. The first being that this isn't the 1950s. Second, nothing physically bad happens to him, just a series of inconveniences that had me rolling my eyes: "Gawd, my coffee spilled on my car-ah!" Finally, I am looking at a bunch of text, so there are no moments where I'm really like, "Bahahaha! He stepped on the rake AGAIN!" But that is an idea. If you're gonna just write down your day that was soooo bad and just add lies, you might as well tell me you stepped on a rake and it hit you in the face, because I just don't give a shit how much of a douche Randy at work is.
Ratings:
First World Problems: 5 out of 5. I think I've used this category before and it is cliched, but it's really the best way to describe what's wrong with this story. I don't want to be an elitist or anything, but it's pretty well established by anyone that has ever sold a copy of anything that short stories are supposed to be about the human condition and shit, not about you getting pissed cause your order was screwed up and there's mayo on your sandwich (actually from the story). ...Actually, this may be the most useful thing about this story, because I seriously need to reconsider my Facebook status updates now.
"My cat sneezed! So cute! But I hope he's okay! :("
Funny: You can probably guess already out of 5. My mind is just blown that I was supposed to find this funny. I mean, someone complaining about a series of things that I have nothing to do with cannot possibly be- wait...
No, yeah, that shit isn't funny. I don't know what the author was expecting me to laugh at. "OH! He dropped his coffee cake between the seat and the door! CLASSIC! WAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Irony: 2 out of 5. So the whole punchline is that he pays for his gas and forgets to pump it then later that night he walks with his gas can to a station and there are signs saying, "Out of gas." Yes, that is ironic, but not in a clever way. You have to have like at least one level of removal for it to be funny, which is why I mentioned Seinfeld before. Like if he got mad at Randy because his sandwich had mayo and threw it at his face, then Randy got mad and filled his gas can with mayonnaise, then when he got to the gas station the lady got offended because she loves mayonnaise but thinks Randy, her boyfriend, ordered her sandwich with no mayo because of her weight, and then the dude suddenly stepped on a RAKE--then THAT'S a story. Mostly because of the rake gag. Seriously, we should bring that back.
"My cat sneezed! So cute! But I hope he's okay! :("
Funny: You can probably guess already out of 5. My mind is just blown that I was supposed to find this funny. I mean, someone complaining about a series of things that I have nothing to do with cannot possibly be- wait...
No, yeah, that shit isn't funny. I don't know what the author was expecting me to laugh at. "OH! He dropped his coffee cake between the seat and the door! CLASSIC! WAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Irony: 2 out of 5. So the whole punchline is that he pays for his gas and forgets to pump it then later that night he walks with his gas can to a station and there are signs saying, "Out of gas." Yes, that is ironic, but not in a clever way. You have to have like at least one level of removal for it to be funny, which is why I mentioned Seinfeld before. Like if he got mad at Randy because his sandwich had mayo and threw it at his face, then Randy got mad and filled his gas can with mayonnaise, then when he got to the gas station the lady got offended because she loves mayonnaise but thinks Randy, her boyfriend, ordered her sandwich with no mayo because of her weight, and then the dude suddenly stepped on a RAKE--then THAT'S a story. Mostly because of the rake gag. Seriously, we should bring that back.
Overall: 2.5 out of 5. Again, this author was good at putting sentences together, but there was no actual purpose to those sentences.
If you want to read some stories that totally make good use of the rake thing, go to amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall
Did you know that the original Simpsons rake gag was created because the episode was running significantly short?
ReplyDeleteNecessity is the mother of invention, man.
Hahaha that's amazing. But I think it's originally from black and white comedies.
ReplyDelete