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Description:
"Out of money and with no food for the Christmas table, Camilla's mom gets invited to dinner by a stranger. The only thing six-year-old Camilla wants for Christmas is a belt buckle, just like the kind her daddy wore before he died. Will her wish come true?"
Oh come on, obviously her wish will come true. You see the cover, you see the description and the title, do you even need to read the story? No, you don't. You can guess exactly what happens.
This is the typical poor person gets a Christmas miracle from Jesus story. The kind you can't criticize because if you do you're an asshole and you are trying to ruin white peoples' Christmas. Well, get ready to call me an asshole, because I'm going to criticize it.
Maybe I'm not giving this dude enough credit, because he ups the ante from just "poor family has a Christmas miracle" to "poor single mother loses her shitty job and her daughter asks for a gold belt buckle just like her dad used to wear (her dad who died. On CHRISTMAS EVE) and they have a Christmas miracle." Holy shit! If you don't like this story you are really heartless.
Well, they run into a lady who mysteriously knows Camilla's name and lives in their apartment building and invites them to dinner. At dinner they discover what Christmas is all about and the lady gives them gifts. On Christmas they open the gifts and the mother's is just a box full of hundred dollar bills, and guess what Camilla's gift is. That's right, a fucking Christmas miracle belt buckle.
You can probably guess where this is going. They go up to ask the lady what the fuck, and the landlord tells them nobody lives in that apartment.
Jesus.
Ratings:
Guilt Stars: 4.5 out of 5. That's how many stars this story has on Amazon, despite being completely predictable, a ripoff of every Fox News pundit's Christmas book ever sold, and being only seven pages in length. And it's obvious this isn't written from the heart or some bullshit like that, before you start getting all guilty too, because it is about a single mother and the author is a man who desperately plugs his "compassion website" at the end. Ridiculous. If you still think I'm an asshole, think about this. Would you be happy with me if I read this story and was inspired to half-assedly write a story about a kid who has his cancer and AIDS healed magically on Christmas because I could totally sell a million copies? Who is the REAL asshole here, Tom?
What the Fuck is- Oh, Someone is Talking? 5 out of 5. There are no quotation marks in this story. None. People just start talking, and it's not even separated from the paragraph or anything, and the main character sometimes even starts thinking to herself in the very same block of text. It's like some weird train of thought shit where someone is thinking everything people are saying or something. Here's an example, which I will put in fucking quotation marks so you know it's from the story, you're welcome.
"Hadry winked at Camilla. And this one, she added, is for you, my child. Camilla looked at me as if asking my permission to accept it. I nodded my approval."
"Hadry winked at Camilla. And this one, she added, is for you, my child. Camilla looked at me as if asking my permission to accept it. I nodded my approval."
Holy shit that's one paragraph just slammed in there. Fine, I understand what's going on, but generally we like to help the reader. Maybe he was just trying to add mystery because saying shit like "my child" is a fucking dead giveaway as to where this story is going.
Creepy Angel: 5 out of 5. Seriously, the most unrealistic thing about this story is the creepy lady that seems to somehow know their names and everything about them and randomly invites them over. If this was real life, it would raise legitimate suspicions. And when they get to her house she has them sing Christmas songs to her. Then she gives them a box of money? Where did the money come from? Can't find out, because she is mysteriously gone the next day. I would lock the door.
Overall: 1 out of 5. This story was totally shameless and uninspired. If you're still not convinced, I really don't hate Christmas or something. I seriously cried at the end of Ernest Saves Christmas. And a couple times in the middle.
If you would like to cry too, go to amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall
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