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Description:
"In the late 21st century, overpopulation is a problem. There's also the problem with mental health. In one particularly unusual asylum, there is Dr. Born (psychiatric intern) and Dr. Bloch (sexologist). And then there's Jones. You have not met anyone like Jones. You see, it's not every day that patients claim they are from Mars. And it's not every day they come and go as they please. A short story filled with loads of satire (and lots of oddities that will make you shake your head) by speculative fiction author, Lawrence Dagstine."
Well, well, that wasn't a self-stroking appraisal at all, was it? Anyway, this review is easy, because I don't even have to do any work. You remember the movie K-PAX? Based on the book K-PAX? Yeah, this story was that, but without Kevin Spacey, and without a meaningful ending.
Done.
Alright I'll talk about it a little more. So at the end of this story the dude has an author biography, in which he is like, "I have been published like a MILLION times, I'm surprised you've never heard of me. You are probably a loser." So, I feel completely justified in saying, "Dude, your story was fucking SHIT!" If you have so many stories, why does it feel like I'm reading something a child wrote in crayon? Let's go to my old favorite fallback and look at the beginning of the story:
"If it's some rest you're wanting, some respite from the Sturm und Drang of life in these Americas at the dirty end of the 21st century, don't make the (my!) big mistake of acting crazy to get yourself put in a bin."
Fuck man, I know you're trying to be unique, but start off easy for the BEGINNING of the story, at least! I will give you a pass if you are trying to make an unreliable narrator by making us realize that this guy is really crazy and did not get himself put in a "bin" on purpose. But that's not the case, because if you are trying to do that it failed. Let's back up a second though.
Fuck man, I know you're trying to be unique, but start off easy for the BEGINNING of the story, at least! I will give you a pass if you are trying to make an unreliable narrator by making us realize that this guy is really crazy and did not get himself put in a "bin" on purpose. But that's not the case, because if you are trying to do that it failed. Let's back up a second though.
"Sturm und Drang"? Man, I am a graduate student who regularly has to read German philosophy and literature and I have never fucking heard of that obscure late 1700's trend. Use something a little more accessible, shit. "These Americas"? Just trying to sound unique. "Dirty end of the 21st century"? Oh really? The future is dystopian? How original. And the parenthesis doesn't help the flow of the sentence at all (eat a dick) which is already confusing because what the fuck is a bin?
It's an insane asylum, and this guy gets himself put in one to get taken care of for free because it's the future and shit. Then he talks about all the people in the asylum that never fucking matter to the story just because that's how you write a story about a looney b- OH! "bin" like "looney bin!" Fuck, you would think it would be easier to just use a word that people actually fucking use.
It's an insane asylum, and this guy gets himself put in one to get taken care of for free because it's the future and shit. Then he talks about all the people in the asylum that never fucking matter to the story just because that's how you write a story about a looney b- OH! "bin" like "looney bin!" Fuck, you would think it would be easier to just use a word that people actually fucking use.
Anyway, his friend says he's from Mars and says he is going back home and disappears at the end. The moral is- THERE IS NO FUCKING MORAL JUST WATCH K-PAX!
Ratings:
Are Those Grammatical Errors or is Your Writing Intentionally That Quirky? 5 out of 5. This is like way back in high school creative writing when a classmate was fucking obsessed with Chuck Palahniuk (SPELLED IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!). So this kid (you know who you are, and I know you're reading this!) always tried to write all edgy and shit like Chuck Palahniuk (SECOND TIME BOOM). Fine, but the only thing is I was like, "If those are the only books you read, and you try to write exactly like that all the time, you know who will always be better than you? CHUCK FUCKING PALAHNIUK!"
Suspension of Disbelief: ? out of 5. I actually don't know what to call this situation. It's like I don't believe the guy is crazy, so I just think that the ending was that his friend literally was a Martian and went into space. But I don't believe that's possible or anything, so basically... I guess I just believe this was badly written.
Originality: 0 out of 5. I tried to think of a more original category than this, but this story was just so stunningly derivative. Plus, I got to make that joke, so we'll call it even. The future setting of a collapsing America, the asylum setting taken from popular films, and the ending were just so...stupid! I'm sorry, I can't even think of anything more to say about it. I am fucking dumbstruck.
Originality: 0 out of 5. I tried to think of a more original category than this, but this story was just so stunningly derivative. Plus, I got to make that joke, so we'll call it even. The future setting of a collapsing America, the asylum setting taken from popular films, and the ending were just so...stupid! I'm sorry, I can't even think of anything more to say about it. I am fucking dumbstruck.
Overall: 1.5 out of 5. I wanted to stop reading this so bad. The long garden path sentences riddled with errors, the stupid elitist tone, the fact that the exhibition didn't stop and the plot didn't start until 3/4 of the way through... Fuck!
If you would also like to "Fuck!" go to amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
I meant, like say, "Fuck!" please don't contact me for sex.
I meant, like say, "Fuck!" please don't contact me for sex.
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