(Link)
Here's the description:
"Andrew Wyatt and his friend Brian King just wanted to take a relaxing day down by the creek when they were pulled under...and emerged in a world that was familiar and terrifying at the same time.
A 6,000 word short story that evokes a "Twilight Zone" feel and makes you wonder...could you deal with the end of days...twice?"
Well, that says it all. Time for ratings.
Okay, fine, I'll explain. This story was pretty "meh," if I don't say so myself. It didn't evoke a "Twilight Zone" feel because there was no ironic ending or anything. And it didn't really make me wonder about anything. Actually it did make me wonder about one thing. The story begins with him repairing his friend's 1911 .45 and this gun, which is called by its full name like this each time, becomes the center of the entire story. At first I thought we had a gun nut on our hand, but then the writing started to sound like the informal, crack-jokes-under-stress writing style of Mark Tufo's Zombie Fallout series. This made me wonder if the guy is a military guy, and surprise! he is (there is basically no fucking way this guy hasn't been reading those books). So, I don't feel so good about making fun of the more military aspects of this story. See me supporting the troops, bitches!?
That being said (Curb Your Enthusiasm, anyone?), this guy's style at its best is pretty much a copy of Mark Tufo, so you might as well just read his books (pretty entertaining, actually). Also, I feel like everything is needlessly limited to this military point of view.
It doesn't add anything, except the thing that defines this guy from Tufo: A super long exposition that I don't give a shit about. If it's not important to the story, I don't care how much you know about guns, what medals you won, what unit you were in, what unit your friend was in, what unit your wife was in, how long you served, etc. etc. unless you can integrate it smoothly to add flavor. (Again, no disrespect to those who have served us). It's just like, maybe your character has been a cabinet maker all his life, that's all fine and good to have his profession defined, but I don't want to hear about what tools he uses to carefully carve the dovetails and why he chooses them over housed joints blah blah unless the guy fucking saves his family from a river by making a raft using dovetail joints, or traps the zombies in a big ass cabinet and becomes a hero.
So after like 3000 words he ends up in a post-apocalypse world where nobody is alive (except his friend who promptly commits suicide WITH aforementioned 1911 .45 pistol). But that's it. The next 3000 goddamn words are just repetitive descriptions of the blood-red moon. YES! It's RED! Like BLOOD! I GET IT! There is no explanation ever given of how he got there, why the world is like that, or even what comes of him. You realize what you did to me, guy!? That's like if I gave a huge description of getting ready for a party and all the friends I went with for 3000 goddamn words, going into the specifics of my profession let's not forget, and then gave a lengthy explanation of each drink I drank, what it tasted like, and how long it took to drink it, one after another, then just stopped and said, "That's it." Nothing else, just wasting your fucking time. Not even a single handjob in the whole fucking story.
Ratings.
Writing Style: 0 out of 5. I already mentioned that at best this guys style will eventually just be the same as that other guy, but there is also the fact that he has huge, awkward, clunky sentences. My second guess after military guy was very young writer, because this guy just hasn't figured out how to write yet. But when I clicked on his author profile and it was a guy in fatigues I lost a little hope for him someday falling into his own. Could still happen.
Editing: 0 out of 5. EDIT YOUR FUCKING STORY. I don't want to be reading and then
suddenly there's a paragraph break for no reason! Just read through it like_once!
P.S. It's called "present perfect tense," look it up. Not to be a bitch about grammar OR editing cause god knows I have typos all over the place.
Descriptions of the Post-Apocalypse: 5 out of 5. Nah, I'm just fucking with you, they were pretty dull. "The sky was red, but the ground was black, and the red didn't reflect on the black, and the moon was even MORE red." Yeah good job, buddy. Oh, also I went on and on about this in another post, but I really want someone to write a story that's a well-thought-out metaphor for the Iraq or Afghanistan war. I mean, what other reason would there be for going on and on about your military background?
Overall: 2 out of 5. Not unreadable, but I think given my record it's pretty clear I would read a story about cardboard boxes. And I think this guy might actually keep with it and someday be good at this. Maybe.
If you want to read the works of an author that will never ever be good at this, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
P.S. It's called "present perfect tense," look it up. Not to be a bitch about grammar OR editing cause god knows I have typos all over the place.
Descriptions of the Post-Apocalypse: 5 out of 5. Nah, I'm just fucking with you, they were pretty dull. "The sky was red, but the ground was black, and the red didn't reflect on the black, and the moon was even MORE red." Yeah good job, buddy. Oh, also I went on and on about this in another post, but I really want someone to write a story that's a well-thought-out metaphor for the Iraq or Afghanistan war. I mean, what other reason would there be for going on and on about your military background?
Overall: 2 out of 5. Not unreadable, but I think given my record it's pretty clear I would read a story about cardboard boxes. And I think this guy might actually keep with it and someday be good at this. Maybe.
If you want to read the works of an author that will never ever be good at this, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
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