This week was weird. You ever read something about insanity and suddenly feel a little insane? It's happened to me with Philip K. Dick way too many times, I think his material should be a controlled substance. Anyway, this story Bug by James Pollard sort of did that, but maybe it's because I've been playing Deus Ex for hours.

(Link)

Weird is right. I'm not sure where this dude was going with this one. Here's the description:

"Imagine living with a bug that clings to the back of your skull. Only you can feel it. Is it really there? Are you insane? Join Blake on his journey in 'BUG' and decide for yourself. A weird short story by James Pollard."

Heh, what the hell did I just read? I think this guy is British too, which makes it even stranger, because he uses words like "rear vision mirror" and "Celsius." What the hell is he talking about!?

Stranger still is the way he does his dialogue, all in a row and without tags and punctuation thrown wherever. Like if I started talking about that time a couple of my buddies and one of their dads made a realization about a girl we all knew and I just launched into it like, "Hey, you know Lydia"? "Yeah, of course." "She went down on me". "Lydia is my sister "!" She's a good sister" "Yeah good at blowjobs." You see how punctuation and dialogue tags are really important?

Well it's fine, I'll just try to plow through that part, but the rest of your story better make sense, Pollard! Sadly, it doesn't. Maybe I'm just too stupid to get the metaphor. Maybe the bug on his head is an analogy for his alcoholism. If it is to be taken literally I don't know why this guy never went to a psychiatrist. Even the most deranged among us would suggest he seek mental help because he A: melted down in public while all of his friends were there, B: apparently drives around just chugging beers (I don't know, maybe that's normal in Britain), and C: oh yeah, he has a fucking invisible bug on his head that nobody else can see and he can't feel with his hands, despite ripping out his own hair, yet he still thinks is real! But I guess that's not the point of the story. I guess I'll stop being a spoil sport.

Speaking of spoiling though, there are two things that bother me here. First, while I was reading it I got that distinct feeling you get when you're watching The Others or something and you're like, "This better not fucking end with them realizing they're actually dead or I will throw this popcorn right through your plasma screen, Dave!" (Yeah, you remember plasmas.) I hate when I get that feeling because I'm either driving on an interstate and freaked the fuck out that I'm actually dead or I'm absolutely right about the movie/story/pantomime and I can no longer enjoy it.

Second, is his head made of beer bottles? Somebody explain this damn ending to me, because it seems like his head is made of beer bottles.

Ratings.

Bugs On My Skin Feeling: 3 out of 5. It worked alright, I could definitely imagine a bug on my head, and it's definitely annoying. It's also an interesting premise to start with. I liked that part. Could have gone further.

Use of Quotation Marks: "5" out of 5. "Good job," dude...

Confusing the Hell Out of Me: 5 out of 5, but not due to any skill.

Total: 3 out of 5. The major advantage to this story was that it was short, which meant it was an interesting little look into the life of a dude with a bug on his head. It was weird and attention-grabbing, but wouldn't be for too long. Plus, I didn't have to write a long-ass review. It really is interesting enough that for the first time so far, I actually do recommend you read it if you have a minute. And tell me what the hell it means.

Until next time.


If you want to point out what a convoluted pile of shit my stories are, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.