(Link)
Now, the description confused me. Mostly because it is all bolded (to compliment the all-caps title?) and makes no fucking sense:
"Grabbing her arm I dragged her over to the edge of Lover's Leap.
So you think you met the love of your life? Hopefully he's not the death of you! A short story about a relationship that ends up for better (or for worse)."
Oh, now that I read it again it makes more sense. I guess I wasn't paying attention. Still, that quote is pretty damn out of context. The "Hopefully he's not the death of you!" part is pretty unambiguous though.
Out of context and unambiguous is an oddly fitting juxtaposition to describe this story. It's got the same air of disoriented nonsense mixed with cliche that I felt when I saw a fat guy at Rainbow Family Gathering (if you don't know, think the most hippies ever in one place) who was completely nude with the exception of the rainbow umbrella he was holding. (I have to give myself credit for recovering from the image with the kneejerk reaction, "It's ironic, because I'm not holding an umbrella.") This story had the same confusing feeling by being a boring love thriller with the added benefit of being completely chronologically screwed up. There are flashbacks, flash forwards, confusions of tenses, and sudden switches to the present without any warning. After reading it, I had no idea what day it was. Just look at this: "Of course Kobe was the player they always go to when they needed a last second shot, and he didn't let them down tonight." What tense is this in? Where the hell am I and why aren't I wearing any pants?
The writing style just gets worse. For instance, the author talks about sex, but uses the word "bosom." Instead of anywhere, she actually said, "any where"--that's not even a mistake I've seen before. And her descriptions top out at "I felt sick to my stomach". It's like I'm living the story! I wouldn't bitch so much, but this story is rated 5 out of 5 stars on Amazon and has dozens of likes. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Maybe teenage girls.
I say that because this story has a Twilight level of misogyny. As the story progresses we find out that the narrator, a guy who is on his way to propose to his lover among a goddamn deluge of flashbacks, is a bit of a psycho. He gets in a fight with his girlfriend and it is revealed he's a bit possessive, because he doesn't want her to hang out with her friends ever. But that's all fine, it's part of the plot. It's what he says to resolve the fight and (successfully) calm her down that I have an issue with: "'When we get married you won't be out running around with friends, you'll be home taking care of the house and our kids. Except for the ring and ceremony we're practically husband and wife now.' I reached out and pulled her to me. 'Now, what are we having for dinner, I'm starved...'" Damn. And again I realize he is supposed to be an asshole, but that was the end of the discussion and I really suspect this author thinks it's not abnormal to say horrible woman hating shit like, "Hey, none of this matters in the context of you fulfilling your role of a house slave. Now, make me a sammich, bitch!"
By the way, I'm going to spoil the ending this week because it is so weird. After smashing our heads in with the metaphorical rocks of tense and timeline confusion, the guy takes his girl out to propose to her in order to preempt her breaking it off. When she rejects him, he suddenly and without emotion threatens to throw her over the fucking cliff if she does not accept. Well, that came out of nowhere, I guess that's what the title was all about. But there's more. He then scares the shit out of her by leaving a hook on the outside of the car a la the Hookman legend, but he also slips a hook onto his hand. When she doesn't think that shit is funny, he fucking slits her throat with the hook, the end. Good thing the Hook Man always carries an extra helping "hand".
No, that wasn't me making a horrible joke, that is actually the weird-ass pun she ends the story with.
Ratings?
Chronology: 1 out of ? I had trouble following. Maybe I wasn't paying as much attention as a pubescent nerd who is confused about sex and its connection to violence. I hope this story doesn't make that nerd a violent serial rapist. Nah, it's probably not that damaging.
Then again,
Misogyny: 3 out of 5. Like I said, I do realize the dude is the bad guy and stuff but the casual way he treats her like shit just seems too accepted. It isn't quite apparent enough that we should hate this guy in all that he does, because his lover sees few problems with him. This is a double-edged sword though. The fact that he is a psychotic murderer is very much helped by him being an extremely possessive asshole. I did believe a lot of his irrationality and thought it was consistent and well-written in parts.
Thrill: 0 out of 5. Is this the second time I've had this category? Anyway, this wasn't thrilling or scary at all. It was more like, "I see, this guy is frustrated about a common experience we as humans- Oh. He just killed her."
Overall: 2 out of 5. I think I'm the wrong audience, but the author's mastery of English alone is hard to get past. The horrible pun at the end definitely loses points too. I have mixed feelings about the narrator/murderer, I can't tell how well he really was written. Anyway, maybe I'll read it as a 12-year-old girl next time.
Channel your own inner pre-teen girl with my stories at amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
Out of context and unambiguous is an oddly fitting juxtaposition to describe this story. It's got the same air of disoriented nonsense mixed with cliche that I felt when I saw a fat guy at Rainbow Family Gathering (if you don't know, think the most hippies ever in one place) who was completely nude with the exception of the rainbow umbrella he was holding. (I have to give myself credit for recovering from the image with the kneejerk reaction, "It's ironic, because I'm not holding an umbrella.") This story had the same confusing feeling by being a boring love thriller with the added benefit of being completely chronologically screwed up. There are flashbacks, flash forwards, confusions of tenses, and sudden switches to the present without any warning. After reading it, I had no idea what day it was. Just look at this: "Of course Kobe was the player they always go to when they needed a last second shot, and he didn't let them down tonight." What tense is this in? Where the hell am I and why aren't I wearing any pants?
The writing style just gets worse. For instance, the author talks about sex, but uses the word "bosom." Instead of anywhere, she actually said, "any where"--that's not even a mistake I've seen before. And her descriptions top out at "I felt sick to my stomach". It's like I'm living the story! I wouldn't bitch so much, but this story is rated 5 out of 5 stars on Amazon and has dozens of likes. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Maybe teenage girls.
I say that because this story has a Twilight level of misogyny. As the story progresses we find out that the narrator, a guy who is on his way to propose to his lover among a goddamn deluge of flashbacks, is a bit of a psycho. He gets in a fight with his girlfriend and it is revealed he's a bit possessive, because he doesn't want her to hang out with her friends ever. But that's all fine, it's part of the plot. It's what he says to resolve the fight and (successfully) calm her down that I have an issue with: "'When we get married you won't be out running around with friends, you'll be home taking care of the house and our kids. Except for the ring and ceremony we're practically husband and wife now.' I reached out and pulled her to me. 'Now, what are we having for dinner, I'm starved...'" Damn. And again I realize he is supposed to be an asshole, but that was the end of the discussion and I really suspect this author thinks it's not abnormal to say horrible woman hating shit like, "Hey, none of this matters in the context of you fulfilling your role of a house slave. Now, make me a sammich, bitch!"
By the way, I'm going to spoil the ending this week because it is so weird. After smashing our heads in with the metaphorical rocks of tense and timeline confusion, the guy takes his girl out to propose to her in order to preempt her breaking it off. When she rejects him, he suddenly and without emotion threatens to throw her over the fucking cliff if she does not accept. Well, that came out of nowhere, I guess that's what the title was all about. But there's more. He then scares the shit out of her by leaving a hook on the outside of the car a la the Hookman legend, but he also slips a hook onto his hand. When she doesn't think that shit is funny, he fucking slits her throat with the hook, the end. Good thing the Hook Man always carries an extra helping "hand".
No, that wasn't me making a horrible joke, that is actually the weird-ass pun she ends the story with.
Ratings?
Chronology: 1 out of ? I had trouble following. Maybe I wasn't paying as much attention as a pubescent nerd who is confused about sex and its connection to violence. I hope this story doesn't make that nerd a violent serial rapist. Nah, it's probably not that damaging.
Then again,
Misogyny: 3 out of 5. Like I said, I do realize the dude is the bad guy and stuff but the casual way he treats her like shit just seems too accepted. It isn't quite apparent enough that we should hate this guy in all that he does, because his lover sees few problems with him. This is a double-edged sword though. The fact that he is a psychotic murderer is very much helped by him being an extremely possessive asshole. I did believe a lot of his irrationality and thought it was consistent and well-written in parts.
Thrill: 0 out of 5. Is this the second time I've had this category? Anyway, this wasn't thrilling or scary at all. It was more like, "I see, this guy is frustrated about a common experience we as humans- Oh. He just killed her."
Overall: 2 out of 5. I think I'm the wrong audience, but the author's mastery of English alone is hard to get past. The horrible pun at the end definitely loses points too. I have mixed feelings about the narrator/murderer, I can't tell how well he really was written. Anyway, maybe I'll read it as a 12-year-old girl next time.
Channel your own inner pre-teen girl with my stories at amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
"this story is rated 5 out of 5 stars on Amazon and has dozens of likes. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"
ReplyDeleteHere's a little guide for Amazon composite ratings:
1 - Terrible, awful, not even literate.
2 - A pretty terrible book.
3 - Decent enough if you're in the target audience.
4 - An enjoyable, meaningful experience.
5 - Only the author's friends and family have read this book.