Cat Story

Actually I've done a few reviews of cat stories, but this one is the best because it's obviously every girl's dream to have sex with her cat. Right? This week I review Dream Cat by Lisa A. Robinson.

(Link)

As you probably guessed by now, it's a steamy romance between a girl and her furry little friend. Ah fine, I won't lie it's not erotica, but it might as well be. In the words of Stephen King, it's along the same lines as the Twilight "tweenager porn" series. Here's a description:
"Leo is a cat shape- shifter who has fallen in love with the girl he is charged to protect. Sarah is just an ordinary girl who often has horrific nightmares… or so she thinks. But as the winter solstice approaches and a certain demon demands the body of a young woman, what will happen?"

Since you are probably already laughing your ass off, my job is done. Let's all get back to watching Dexter.

Okay, fine, I'll put a little more work in, just for you. Actually I don't have any idea who is reading this blog because nobody ever comments, but someone is reading it (probably a bunch of NSA agents) so I'll just keep writing I guess?

I was kind of disappointed by the first paragraph of this story--"Everything except the blood multiple red suns that lights up the sky; they looks so hot, so why is it so cold?" Why indeed. And also what the fuck did you just say?

But later the story gets less terribly-hard-to-read and when I started thinking about it, it could actually rival Twilight. From what I read of that book, I wouldn't put it past her to have an even more mangled sentence than what we just read. Plus, this has all the elements. The boy has supernatural powers but isn't like a creepy gross zombie or something. He takes the form of a much more fuckable cat. He also watches the girl when she sleeps, in a totally also not creepy gross way.

There is a lot of bullshit about her going to high school and being a bookish nerd that nobody likes but she turns that into her preferring to be alone because everyone else is sooo inane and shit, but I'm gonna skip that because it's pointless and go to the end.

So she wakes up to find a guy in her room and then lets him talk her into letting him sleep over the next night to fight the demon in her dreams. Then she like concentrates real hard and something not very exciting happens and wham, bam, she has one less demon and one more boyfriend. And they all lived happily ever- oh yeah and she gets pregnant. Shiiiit.

Ratings:

Just-Just Shhh... Relax and Let it Happen: 5 out of 5. So like two or three times during the story the cat guy reflects on how awkward it would be if the girl woke up to find him in her room. How it would be weird to try to explain to the police that he is fighting demons in her dreams as a cat. Well, in this case, I think the author could have gone with her instincts there--or rather the voice fucking shouting, "THIS IS CREEPY!" Because it was. I don't know what the fuck it is with girls wanting to be looked at while they sleep, but it is probably just as creepy as looking at someone while they sleep. I am being too judgemental. Everyone can have any sort of sexual fantasies they like, it just seems like this one comes from the urge to be exhibitionist suppressed by a huge helping of protestant shame resulting in, "If I can't see it, the sin is not happening." Before you know it, you're blindfolded in an Arkansas rest stop playing "Is it a vegetable?" And, I should know, that's how gonorrhea happens.

POV Switches: 3 out of 5. Seriously, I thought she did a good job with this. She just quickly wrote the name in italics like Bobo the Cat and then went with that character's POV and then switched back to the other. The effect was to give us just enough creepy cat guy POV to the point where we wanted out quick and then switch to creepy nerd girl POV making for a more interesting and much shorter story.

There's no joke here, I sincerely liked that part.

Denial: 5 out of 5. This is a tricky topic to bring up, but this girl forced it on me. She constantly paints her friends in a light that makes them look like dumbass clowns that she only hangs out with for her own amusement. In the meantime she has a fairy obsession and was completely friendless before them. Now, I'm not going for the cheap "HAHA NERD!" laugh here, and she can read as many fairy books as she wants, but if she is in denial enough to think she is actually better than people who like to socialize and speak in vernacular instead of saying, "Pardon me, sir" (literally an attribute she tries to talk up as cool and original in her story) then she deserves a wakeup call. Here it is: If you want a boyfriend you have to stop thinking one will just come along and think you are cool and original for being a pretty average nerd and an arrogant prick to everyone around you. You have to admit to yourself what you really are--Catfucker!

And then join a group for like furries.

Overall: 2 out of 5. I'm probably being a little harsh there because this just isn't my style of story since I'm not an awkward adolescent. But then again, no! Enough is enough with the fucking "let's wait for a boy to come along that's good enough to watch me while I sleep because everyone would call me a whore if I went out to find someone I really like" stories. I've had it with society's immature handling of sex, let's all just fucking grow up!




If you think the word catfucker is funny, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.