Description:
"A shed full of macabre secrets... A wife gone crazy...A nine-year-old girl that must die!
Jonah fights for his life while trying to stop his deranged wife from killing their daughter.
Sometimes, the Devil truly is in the details."
Is there really a need for fourteen fucking spaces between each line? Actually, it's kind of clever, because the description is a metaphor for how he tries to build a suspenseful story with no material- BOOM.
So in this story, the guy's wife is always out doing stuff in the shed but he never cares what the fuck it is until one day he goes out there looking for his daughter. Turns out, his wife has been doing creepy ritual shit and has his daughter tied down about to sacrifice her with a sharpened crucifix.
So in this story, the guy's wife is always out doing stuff in the shed but he never cares what the fuck it is until one day he goes out there looking for his daughter. Turns out, his wife has been doing creepy ritual shit and has his daughter tied down about to sacrifice her with a sharpened crucifix.
The rest of the story reads like the guy is imagining a horror movie, which doesn't really translate well to the written form. Also, if it was a movie, it would be a shitty one.
For no reason, his dog teams up with his wife and attacks him. His wife for some reason has a deformed face and a sickle, and also for some reason squirrels help him out at various points.
That is sort of(?) explained by his wife sacrificing woodland creatures in her shed all the time, but why the squirrels gain sentience is not explained.
His wife just keeps saying Madeline is the one and she needs to kill her. If it is so important, why the fuck don't you explain yourself, lady?
It turns out, as the guy is cleaning up his daughter after squirrels hilariously tear his wife to shreds, that he finds a 666 brand on his daughter's neck. OMIGAAAAA. Also at that point she becomes a zombie or something, the end.
Ratings:
You Have all the Stupid Imagery that Hollywood Thinks is Scary, I'll Give You That: 5 out of 5. Well, at least he tries to. At several points he describes the breath billowing out of his wife's mouth, and I just had to assume he meant steam because it was cold. He never describes it as steam or the fact that it is cold though, so way to go I guess. Also there is a shed and they apparently live in the woods, and deformed faces are creepy in movies I guess and he describes the scene where her face gets all close to his and his eyes are darting around like in a film and little girls are creepy sometimes and there is a ton of gore. I guess if you mash all those things together it is supposed to be scary. To me, it just seemed fuuuuucking laaaazy.
Plus, This Story was Too Hilarious to be Scary: 5 out of 5. Having squirrels help you out is just hilarious. Having them tear someone apart is also hilarious, and highly improbable. I mean, how are their little claws supposed to tear human skin? I guess they break nuts with their teeth, but there would have to be a hell of a lot of them, and where did they all come from? Why did they wait until she slit his Achilles to start attacking? Also, according to the ending, squirrels are agents of the devil. Really they weren't helping him out, but simply going with the theory that an enemy of God is my friend and untying his binds and stuff. Another funny thing: Why did this lady tie them up and leave them alone only to lay in wait for them to escape so she could creep up behind them for a scare? Is she having a laugh? And WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T SHE JUST SAY THE GIRL HAD THE MARK OF THE DEVIL?
Despite Having a Massive Load of Plot-hole Shit, This Story was too Short and Rushed: 5 out of 5. This story was written in an hour, I swear to god. It's basically a deluge of poorly thought-out, unedited shit on an e-page. It's too short to build any tension, something which I constantly bitch about with horror stories, and nothing really makes sense. The horror genre isn't exactly filled with brilliant shit, but this takes the cake as far as being a mishmash of images pulled from low-budget films.
Overall: 1.5 out of 5. It was semi-coherent. Saw the twist coming a mile away, but not all of us can be super fucking amazing demigods like M. Night. Not all of us can be as fucking insane as him either, but this author, at least, can say that he has tried.
If you want to read something that will put The Last Airbender to shame, go to amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
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