(Link)
Description:
"A light-hearted, satirical, look at the troubles faced by con artists in a more enlightened age."
The story is almost as short as the description, but a much larger waste of time. Also, I have no idea why there is a broken light bulb for the cover. Maybe it was a bad idea to write this story? HAH, take THAT guy who will never see this and doesn't have a chance to defend himself!
I think there were actually more grammar mistakes than words in this story. It's super easy to fix in three simple steps:
1) Read your story after you write it
2) Is there a space after every fucking opening quote mark, like this?---> " Bob shit his pants--hard." If so, take out the fucking space.
3) If your sentence somehow manages to have any fucking punctuation at all, is it hanging outside the quote marks, like this?---> Craig sniffed. " Did you just shit your pants"? If so, tuck that little bastard back where it goes; it's obscene to just have it hanging out there, flapping in the wind.
Anyway, in this story, the super forgettable main character with the personality of a white cardboard cutout gets a strange call on his skull implant. It's in the future, and the author really wants us to know how many cool things he thought of, like ads in your skull and--whatever, who cares?
The man on the other line offers him everlasting life for ten percent of his income until he dies. If you guessed religion, you win! It goes on like this with the caller trying to sell religion and the guy making "funny" remarks. For instance:
" What do you mean I need to follow certain rules" ?
" Like you can't sleep with men.".
" What ab5out hermaphrodites" ? &
Wakka wakka?
It turns out the guy doesn't accept and it is revealed that the caller is a struggling con-artist trying to run a scam he got from the ancient con-artists. RELIGION SLAM!
Ratings:
Clever: 1 out of 5. First, all credibility is ruined by the horrible typos. I can't harp on that enough. There's also the fact that this story is like five words long, which is a good indicator that this Adriaaanie guy couldn't think of anything else. The jokes were also almost as bad as the 90's classic "Laughing out Loud"
Buy it used on Amazon for $0.01 (seriously)! Yes, that's Kelsey Grammar.
Back on track. The premise of this story is also not very clever. It's the old and tired "Let's deconstruct religion into what it literally is for some larfs," gimmick. But at that it's not worth the thirty seconds I spent reading it, especially because it assumes we'll all just abandon religion once we have computers in our brains.
Setting: 0 out of 5. I got to say I have a problem with just listing shit until the reader is bullied into realizing it's the fucking future (both in the sense that I do it too much and in the sense that I hate when other people do it). If it reads like: "Joe Spaceliver put on his nanosocks and strapped his plasmadildo to his cryobelt and stepped across the platform to the bulkhead of his spacepartment, then palmed the fazelock to his antigravmagnetodoor which whooshed up to futurereveal the spacecitytropolisplanetscape-" I GET it already, we're in the FUTURE fuck.
Subtlety: 0 out of 5. The guy might as well have called up and said, "Hey, do you want to join my thinly-veiled satire for religion?" and the story could have ended there. For it to be funny or neat or whatever the hell this was going for, I have to make it more than two paragraphs before I'm like, "Oh, he's making fun of religion. God, what time is it? Don't I have better shit to do?"
Overall: 2 out of 5. I don't even know why that many points. Maybe because he was polite enough to stop after a short time. I would say because it's at least legible, but it almost isn't. Points for trying to be clever, I guess.
If you want to read something that is obviously trying to be clever, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall.
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